For no one else

"And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind her tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years"

For no one (Lennon/McCartney)

A single occurrence in a woman's life may be enough to lead to a profound re-evaluation of her behaviour.

She may have thought she has always put her career first. After all, that has forever been the rehearsed speech poured into unsuspecting ears along the way. How true was it?

It wasn't entirely a lie. Working hard for a career entails preparing, exercising competence, prioritising. Ah, priorities. One can lose sight of them so easily.

This may sound repetitive, but I have always thought of myself as a feminist. Today, I believe the term is used lightly by little girls who have absolutely no idea of how shielded they are - or choose to be - from reality.

There are many ways in which a man can influence and control a woman's life. In most of my relationships I was in control of my life - I had never realised how submissive a woman can sometimes be when she falls in love.

Perhaps what just became clear to me was never a secret to many women. Easier said than done, I suppose. The rules were never a mystery to me. Putting them into practice, not such an easy task.

Today I understand that submission is not restricted to accepting domestic violence or having a man tell you how to live your life. Submission can manifest itself in subtle ways.

To think you may be losing an opportunity to be happy if you don't try your hardest can be a dangerous, humiliating game.

For the duration of this game, priorities are twisted, lies ignored, chances given, but the result remains the same. Sheer humiliation. Loss of respect and an eventual, hopefully reparable, damage to the much cherished career.

A woman who allows that to happen once, perhaps twice, has made a mistake. However, if she doesn't change her ways, how can she act as such a ferocious defender of her own gender?

Yes, I am repeating what has been said by many feminists before. Women should not make themselves slaves of partially reciprocated love. They should not expect each and every man they get involved with to act in a decent manner. They should not submit to halfhearted efforts. They deserve better, but it only depends on them whether better is what they will get.

Things are definitely changing. Slowly, but surely. Career gets back on top. All efforts concentrated in making sure it stays there. Control is the order of the day.